Massively Multiplayer Online Children's Card Game/Transcript
Cast (In order of appearance): Seto Kaiba, Mokuba Kaiba, Big Five, Kemo, Joey Wheeler, Grandpa, Yugi Muto, Tristan Taylor, Téa Gardner, Mai Valentine, Princess Adena, Witty Phantom Yami Yugi Date: June 18, 2007 Running Time: 08:11 Transcript Opening (Battlestar Galactica opening plays) SUBTITLES:'' '' LittleKuriboh created the Abridged Series (The Millennium Puzzle's box appears) It evolved (The Millennium Items appear, Kaiba in his podium during a duel with Yugi, Grandpa trapped in a television screen, an arrow lands in front of Yugi and frightens him) There are many copies (Kuribohs appear one by one onscreen) KaibaCorp KAIBA: I can't believe the five of you tried to take over my company. MOKUBA: And don't forget how they kidnapped me. KAIBA: Yeah, that too. GANSLEY: Mr. Kaiba, please let us explain. We were just pretending to work for Pegasus. KAIBA: I instantly forgive you. But I'm still pretty sore about that whole trying to kill me thing. JOHNSON: By the way, we've finished work on your new virtual card games system. Feel free to test it out... if you dare! KAIBA: 'Kay, thanks. MOKUBA: Wait, Seto! It's clearly a trap! Why're you being so gullible and out of character? KAIBA: (climbs into VR pod) Initiate log-on sequence. Inside video game COMPUTER: (modem dial-up noises) We're sorry. The server you're attempting to join is currently experiencing loading issues. Please stand by until we correct this problem. SUBTITLE: several hours later... KAIBA: (lands in forest) Once I've finished playing this childish video game, I'll arrest those guys for trying to murder me. KaibaCorp MOKUBA: Wake up, Seto, it's time for my story. Hello? JOHNSON: Your brother can't hear you anymore. We've made him addicted to online gaming. MOKUBA: You bastards! KEMO: Attention, duelists. My hair will huff, and my hair will puff, and my hair will blow your house in. Huh? SECURITY GUARD 1: He's escaped! SECURITY GUARD 2: He must have crawled through the ventilation shaft. KEMO: (speaking in a phone) Hey, Mom! You'll never guess what just happened. Oh, hi Dad. Can you put Mom on the line? What do you mean, "she's asleep"? Wake her up, then! Title Sequence Inside Kame Game Shop JOEY: Okay, gramps. Hand over all your money, and Tristan won't have to break your kneecaps. SOLOMON: Whoever you are, please don't hurt me. MOKUBA: (stumbles in groaning) I'm wet in more ways than one. Yugi's House YUGI: Your brother's been kidnapped? MOKUBA: Yes. That is exactly what I've just finished telling you. I didn't know who else to turn to. So I came here. JOEY: Forget about it! There's no way we're helping your brother. He smells like wee-wee. MOKUBA: But he's been trapped inside a video game world where monsters are-- JOEY: Did you just say video game? MOKUBA: Yes. But it's very dangerous-- YUGI: Come on, let's go play the video game! Anything to take a break from these crappy card games. Bye, gramps. You'd better have that money when we get back. SOLOMON: I'm going to die of pneumonia. Hooray! KaibaCorp TÉA: Erm... Yugi, before you go, there's something I need to tell you. YUGI: Don't worry, Téa. I know all about it. TÉA: Really? YUGI: Yeah. You're in love with me, right? TÉA: Actually, I'm in love with your sexy alter ego. YUGI: Oh! (pauses) Well, this is kind of awkward. JOEY: Bye, darling. TRISTAN: Ix-nay on the arling-day. Inside Video Game, Forest YUGI: This virtual world Kaiba created is super special awesome! It's like walking into an episode of ReBoot. KEY MACE: Hello! JOEY: Nyeh? KEY MACE: Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! (repeats) JOEY: Man, this fairy is really annoying. Let's kill it. (gives chase) Get back here, you. I'm gonna rip your wings off with a pair of tweezers! Damn, it got away. MOKUBA: Look! It's Agrabah. Let's go find the genie voiced by Robin Williams and occasionally by Dan Castellaneta. He'll save my brother! Inside Video Game, City YUGI: What the hell are YOU doing here, Mai? MAI: I've been beta-testing this game for Kaiba Corp. YUGI: That's just about the least likely story I've ever heard. KaibaCorp TRISTAN: I've been thinking. What if we're all part of some enormous virtual world? What if we exist in a fictional universe created by some Japanese guy who likes card games? TÉA: Tristan, that is without a doubt the dumbest thing you've ever said. KEMO: (offscreen) And so then I said "attention, duelists!" Man, you should've been there. TRISTAN: (singing) Uh-oh. We're in trouble. Something's come along and it's burst our bubble. TÉA: (singing) Yeah, yeah! Inside Video Game, Castle ADENA: (she looks like a crossdressed Mokuba) Hello. I'm Princess Adena. JOEY: This is just wrong. MOKUBA: I've never been more traumatized in all my entire life. Why would my brother create something so twisted? JOEY: Now do you see why we hate him so much? Inside Video Game, Dining Hall ADENA: Welcome to the land of Simlou. Every year my people are beset by a terrible evil. A mythic dragon descends from high to devour the-- YUGI: (interrupts) Question! ADENA: Um, yes? YUGI: Just what the hell are you anyway? Are you a boy or a girl? JOEY: Maybe it's a shemale. You know, like Bakura. MOKUBA: Whatever it is, it's going to haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. ADENA: Excuse me, brave heroes. I'm trying to tell you about the suffering of my people. YUGI: I think it's pretty obvious why your people are suffering. Their ruler is a transvestite. ADENA: The only way to defeat the mythic dragon is by resurrecting the ancient flying machine, which-- YUGI: (interrupts) Why weren't you censored anyway? I mean what? Guns are bad but crossdressing princesses are A-okay? Inside Video Game, Cave KAIBA: What the hell is going on? And why haven't I had any screen time? WITTY PHANTOM: You've been kidnapped, Seto Kaiba. KAIBA: That's already been established. Just what the hell is the point of this scene? WITTY PHANTOM: It gives the fangirls a chance to see you in chains. KAIBA: Grr... Inside Video Game, Castle MAI: (wearing revealing armor) Speaking of fanservice, check me out. YUGI: (also wearing armor) I can't believe Téa likes Yami more than me. MAI: Forget about her, kiddo. You deserve a real woman. Like me. YUGI: Mrs. Valentine, are you trying to seduce me? JOEY: (wearing a wildman's outfit) You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look good. MAI: It's a whole army of duel monsters! ("Adena" is dragged off in a net) YUGI: They got Princess Adena! JOEY: Thank God for that. She was really freaking me out. "MOKUBA": (is actually Adena) Oh no! They've kidnapped Mokuba. JOEY: Why the heck was Mokuba dressed like you? ADENA: Um... well... MOKUBA: (in flashback) Let's trade outfits. I've always wanted to look pretty! YUGI: Looks like we'll have to resurrect the ancient flying machine. JOEY: I activate the Ocarina of Time. ("Saria's Song" from Ocarina of Time plays as ship reveals itself) That made no sense whatsoever. MAI: Hooray! (hugs Joey) JOEY: Nipples! Inside Video Game, Cave WITTY PHANTOM: I brought you a little present, Kaiba. MOKUBA: (throws off dress, is wearing armor underneath) Seto! KAIBA: Mokuba? Why the hell were you dressed like a girl? MOKUBA: Oh, like you've never tried it. Ha! Swordstalker, free my brother! (Swordstalker cuts Kaiba's bindings) KAIBA: Time for a trip to the recycle bin, Phantom. And then once you're in the recycle bin, I'm going to right click on it and select "empty recycle bin". Because otherwise, you'll just be taking up unnecessary space. In other words, I'm going to kill you. Come forth, Blue-Eyes! WITTY PHANTOM: No! This was so avoidable. (Blue-Eyes attacks and destroys the Phantom) KAIBA: If anybody asks, I rescued you. MOKUBA: (tears up) Yes, big brother. KaibaCorp GANSLEY: (Super Mario theme plays in background) We can't let those brats escape the virtual world in one piece. JOHNSON: That's right. So let's all stand up dramatically at the same time. (all stand up) Excellent. Inside Video Game, Cave JOEY: Hey Kaiba. We're here to rescue you. KAIBA: That won't be necessary. I'm kind of free already. JOEY: Then what the heck was the point of the princess and flying machine and all that other crap we did? BIG FIVE: Hahahahaha. Well done, all of you. You've reached the last stage. Now get ready to face the final boss. KAIBA: They're hacking into the computer system. The Five Headed Dragon appears BIG FIVE: Once we destroy you, people will soon jump to the conclusion that video games are dangerous, and then all video games will be banned! KAIBA: Listen, pal. You can try to take over my company. You can kidnap my little brother. You can even try to kill me. But when you f*ck around with video games, you've gone too far. YAMI: It's time to slay the dragon. (Dragon Ball Z English opening theme plays as Kaiba summons his Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon, Joey summons his Red-Eyes Black Dragon and Yugi summons his Curse of Dragon) (A blast from Dragon Master Knight hits Five-Headed Dragon and it explodes) BIG FIVE: Nooooo!!! SUBTITLE: You gain 500 exp You collect a rusty dagger YAMI: This loot system sucks. Inside Video Game, Castle KEY MACE: Hey! Listen! (repeats in background) ADENA: Welcome back, brave heroes. You have saved my people. YAMI: Let's get out of here. That fairy's starting to piss me off. JOEY: That game is more disappointing than Fable. KaibaCorp TÉA: Tristan, do I look fat? TRISTAN: (fighting off goons) Little busy here... TÉA: Yugi, you're okay! YUGI: That's right, Jezebel. I mean Téa. MOKUBA: Now we're out of the video game, you guys can't do a thing to me. KEMO: Actually, we can still beat the crap out of you. MOKUBA: Oh, yeah. KEMO: Hold still, you little punk! MOKUBA: (offscreen) Ow, my ribs! Ow, my other ribs! YUGI: (offscreen) Tristan, why are you punching him? TRISTAN: (offscreen) I don't know. Ending: Super Mario Game Over theme plays SUBTITLE: [princess edena (sic) will return ... in your nightmares] Stinger: Kaiba drives in his Blue-Eyes jet while "Feel Good Inc." by Gorillaz plays; Kaiba's laugh is synchronized with the singer's laugh Post-ending KEMO: Attention, mother! I've just been told I'm not going to be in any more episodes after this one. My hair is crying! sniff I don't have anywhere else to go. sniff Could I move in with you? 1x21